Is THIS normal?

I feel relatively certain that JW is suffering the ill-effects of HAVING WAY TOO MANY SISTERS!

That boy knows way too much about working a camera!

I think I might need to take him to a monster truck show or something.  Maybe get him some beer and cigarettes.  Let him start swearing.  And punching stuff.

Or maybe I'll just take him to a monster truck show. :D

A Time for Tearing Down and a Time for Building Up

This guy is always up to something. Most the time it involves destroying things, but this weekend, he had a little construction project going on.I'm not sure it is built to code.
But it kept him out of trouble for most of the weekend!
And, yes, those are hard wood floors!

Love that boy!

Quote(s) of the Week

"I can't wait 'til I'm old enough to buy some checks. Then, I will be able to buy me and my wife whatever we want!"

-JW

Me: JW, you need a haircut.

JW: NO! I'm trying to grow one of those things (using his hands to try and demonstrate what "one of those things" means.)

Me: What things?

Emma: He means an AFRO!

JW: (very excitedly) YEAH! AN AFRO!!

So True

This morning, while JW was taking out the trash, he said, "I'm gonna have a maid when I grow up."

To which Jordan quipped, "Yeah, your wife!"

Man Camp Failure

JW: Mom, do you see all those little bumps on my knee?

ME: Yes.

JW: They all have little hairs growing out of them....When do you think you're gonna let me start shaving my legs?

ME: Boys don't usually shave their legs, JW.

JW: Yeah, I'll probably just shave my armpits!

He glances up at me and apparently discerns from the look on my face that shaving his armpits isn't an option either!

JW: Or else I'll just trim 'em up a bit with scissors!

Man Camp

This summer, I sent JW to camp.

He got to get away from the house of progesterone and hang out with his Uncle Trampus (who happens to think JW is pretty awesome) for an entire week.

With much trepidation, I packed his oldest, most-stained clothes and labeled EVERYTHING (knowing much of it would not be coming back).

Because none of my kids went to camp when they were seven, (and when they finally did go to camp, I was there with them) I tried to talk to Trampus about my reservations regarding sending my seven year old, mothered by four sisters and one mom baby off to camp ALONE!

He needs lots of sleep. He has never had to keep up with his things. He is irresponsible. He gets really emotional without enough sleep. He doesn't really like to follow rules. He just can't function without enough sleep. He has a tendency to wander off into the great unknown. He will need a nap. He needs me. He cannot live without me!

Trampus was very understanding.

I believe he said something like, "This is man camp! He'll either die or I'll toughen him up!"

Good.

That's exactly what I was hoping!

Anyway, he went. I worried. And, miraculously, he came back alive!

When he got home, there were a few things in his bag that didn't belong to him, like almost EVERYTHING! I'm pretty sure the owner of these clothes is now going to school naked! I'm also sure his mother is very happy that she sent him to camp with his nice stuff and he came back with an old stained wardrobe complete with the initials "J.W." written inside!

Here are some highlights I received via text message while he was off being manned up:

Day 1:

• He fell asleep sitting in the car BEFORE they even got to camp!
• It was 10:30 a.m.
• He got into a wrestling match at the pool, throwing out a couple of verbal taunts!

Day 2:

• He asked Trampus why he had to get up at 7:00!
• He enjoyed free snow cones.
• He had a brain freeze.
• He wondered what it would be like to have an ear freeze.
• He fell asleep during Bible Study.
• He asked if he could swim after dinner.
• Trampus told him no because they had to go to church.
• He replied, "AWWW maaaaan!"

Day 3:

• He asked Uncle Trampus if he could call me.
• Uncle Trampus told him no. "This is man camp!"
• He replied, "AWW maaaaan!"
• He punched a kid IN THE EYE.
• Trampus asked him if he punched the kid in the eye.
• He replied, "I didn't feel anything."
• Trampus asked him if he punched at the kid.
• He replied, "Yes, but I didn't feel it."

Day 4:

• Another camper was scared to go on the "mission" into the woods in the middle of the night.
• JW told him, "Oh, come on! BE A MAN!!!"
• Eric (a camp staffer) asked, "Who wants a dog tag?"
• JW replied, "ME!"
• Eric gave him a dog tag.
• He asked, "Is it for my dog?"

Day 5:

• He went home with Uncle Trampus.
• They watched a movie.
• The movie was skipping.
• He got up, stood in front of the TV and jumped three times.
• He knocked on the screen.
• The movie stopped skipping.
• He now thinks he is a genius!!

Unfortunately, man camp didn't man JW up quite as much as we might have hoped! Stay tuned for proof!!

Proof...

...that my children really do love each other!!

Go Philippines!!!

Way back in the fall, when we were signing all the girls up for basketball, I made a deal with JW. I told him that if he wouldn't play basketball, we would sign him up for baseball in the spring. He replied with a hardy, "BASEBALL?!! I've been wanting to play baseball my WHOLE LIFE!"

We had a deal!

At the beginning of spring, as promised, we signed him up!

His baseball career started out on a high when he discovered he would be playing with one of his best friends! Returning from his first practice, he ran into the house and announced he was on "THE PHILIPPINES" with Luke!

From there, things might have gone downhill a touch!

He returned from practice two sporting a shiner (as in a black eye, not as in a bock!). Apparently, catching a pop fly is not as easy as it looks!

The first scrimmage, JW (being an expert in ALL THINGS), picked up a grounder at right field, and wouldn't throw it infield because the pitcher wasn't where JW thought he should be. He stood with the ball, yelling orders and waving for the obviously amateur pitcher to MOVE BACK! (This was his very first time on an actual playing field and he was already coaching!!)

When it came time for him to bat, he was first up in the new inning. He walked out to the batter's box, got into his superb batting stance, and stood. ready. for about five minutes. Unfortunately, there was NO ONE ELSE ON THE FIELD!!! It was quite humorous!

Once the regular season got started, the Philippines (AKA the Phillies) were a little rusty. Most of our games started okay, then we overthrew ourselves into a 10 point deficit, and often rallied in the last inning to come up a couple of points shy!

JW, although unbeknownst to him, had a little trouble with his batting. And, also with his catching. And, sometimes his throwing wasn't quite on target!

Last night, however, that was all about to change.

(Disclaimer: The remainder of this post is mostly hearsay, as I opted to stay home from the game for a little peace and quiet. Certain people chided me and told me I was a terrible mother, but I found comfort in the fact that at least I was a terrible mother who could enjoy her Reese's cup while watching Biggest Loser and enjoying some PEACE AND QUIET! Not to mention the PEACE AND QUIET part!)

According to my sources, while I was at home enjoying some uninterrupted must see T.V., John Wesley got his first hit! Apparently, a hit so sweet, he ran all the way to second base. I believe in baseball lingo, they call that a DOUBLE! (Someone might have interrupted my peace and quiet at this point with a phone call that may or may not have evoked the slightest tinge of guilt that I had opted out of the game!)

To make matters worse, the "Philippines" had their best game ever, taking their first win with JW throwing the last batter of the game out at first. (At this point, my phone may or may not have rang again. Although the house was still quiet, my inner peace was now being upset!)

And, just to ensure that I am completely out of the running for Mother of the Year, John Wesley took home the GAME BALL!!

I. AM. A. LOSER.

Here he is in all of his baseball glory!

So, as I was at home sitting on the couch and dreaming of a place where I could eat Reese's cups and drink Dr. Pepper and never end up on the Biggest Loser, JW was having the game of his life! Which, I believe, officially makes ME the biggest loser.

JW and the Knowledge he Imparts

A bit of history to help understand the context:
When JW was younger, he always told us that his dad died in the ocean. We were never quite sure where he got that idea; but, he was convinced that the ocean was involved in his dad's death and that remained his story for quite sometime.

Today, John Wesley was enlightening us to all of the things that are worse than dying. His short list included cancer, to which he added, "My first daddy died from cancer."

Jordan said, "I thought your dad died in the ocean?"

At that, JW whipped his head around with his eyes as big as saucers and retorted, "WHAT?!!?? My dad's not from Bethlehem! He wasn't one of those 'walk on water' guys!" (As if being one of those guys is an incredible insult!)

That dude is funny! Ridiculous. But funny.

It's hard to keep everything you know straight...especially when you know so much!

Luke: We're going to a Rangers' game on May 24th!

JW: (very excitedly) We are? The whole class?

Luke: (very matter-of-factly) Not the whole class...just my family! They're playing the Yankees.

JW: (very confused) The Yankees? That's a shoe!

Luke: (very you're-so-stupid) Noooo. That's NIKE!

JW: Oh.

Ninjas in Bathrobes!

So, everyday, I get the privilege of escorting two of the most knowledgeable 5 year old boys I know home from school. Last week after school, Kristy and I were in the house chatting about what I'm sure was something life changing when we looked out the window and both wondered aloud, "Why are John Wesley and Luke outside in bathrobes?" But just as the words were off the tongue, we saw them bowing to each other...


The two cutest Ninjas EVER!! (Even if sparkling monkey bathrobes!)