Sunday, May 18, 2008

It's been four weeks...

...since I watched my dad leave his earthly body behind. The past week has been super hard for me. I've found myself weeping without the car, at my desk, talking on the phone...utter despair would sweep over me with such force that suppressing the saddness was not even an option. In an effort to quit reliving the final days, hours, and moments I spent with my dad, I've been trying to remember some of the things I loved about him, no matter how insignificant. Here's something I just thought of...

When I was young, and would get a hankerin' for something made mostly of sugar (you know the hankerin' I'm talking about!), if the pantry offered no solution (which, in our house, it typically did not due to the fact that twinkies, ding dongs, donuts, and the like never lasted more than about thirty seconds after my mom returned from the grocery store), I would go take a peek inside my dad's lunch kit. There, with 100% certainty, I would find that perfect something to make my taste buds sing and dance! And if you knew my dad, then you know that it was never found in the bite size variety! Inside his secret little box of delight, I could usually find a KING SIZE snicker bar, Reese's cup, a chic-o-stik, some bit-o-honey, or if I was super lucky, a carbonated beverage of some sort! And, I would help myself without even asking. I would totally take my dad's stash all the time! He never asked who took his goods either. He would simply replenish the stash...sometimes with a little extra something to let me know he had my back!

My dad was a generous man. I miss him terribly.

1 comment:

  1. Shellee- I am hurting for you!! I wish I could take your pain away. I was reading your blog and as you related to Angie - I related to you...I felt those very same feelings....GOD WHERE ARE YOU? and asking myself do I really have faith - do I really believe? Because I am completely numb! to everyone and everything, and as much as I love my family--I could not get past what I was feeling and what I was going thru-and what was that?? Couldn't tell you exactly- anger, sadness, biggest question was ..why couldn't YOU heal him??? why didn't YOU heal him!! With all those emotions running through me..knowing Matt was in a better place.. but not wanting that for ME(still here on earth-which feels like hell for right now). Still today Shellee I have much sadness, but I do see that peace God offers us in these times. Shellee I will continue to pray for you...I sit here with tears running down my face -wishing I had the perfect words or scripture or just something to tell you to give you peace...The only thing I can say and know is hold on to GOD and HIS WORD! I know it is hard to find peace , strength and comfort right now, but GOD is always faithful for those who believe!! I love you and please know I am always here for you if you ever need anything..prayer..a listening ear.. or just someone to tell you it's gonna get better. love ya Sherry