Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Insert Scream Here!

I'm not sure how to spell the actual sound that I would make if I could scream to the top of my lungs in frustration. But, if I knew how to spell it, I would type that sound right here...IN ALL CAPS! *sigh*

Sometimes it seems like I make my way to the surface just long enough to gasp for breath only to begin sinking to the depths of despair and frustration again.

I have been praying the words of Psalm 119:33-40 several times a day for about a week now. It begins, "Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end." I guess I didn't realize that God would do so by actually putting me into situations where I would get to practice following His decrees...against the extremely strong will of my flesh!

I am, quite frankly, one of the most stubborn people I know...and I know some seriously STUBBORN folk to be sure! I was hoping God would just change me in a *poof!* "be healed!" sort of way. But instead, I get the grind through forty different situations simultaneously sort of way.

I envy those whose faith seems to come easily. I bite, claw, fight, and wrestle my way toward truth and then usually fail the practical exam. But, I don't pray the words of that Psalm lightly. I sincerely long to delight in the things of the Lord. I desire a relationship with Him that causes the worthless things in life to actually appear worthless.

But I'm not even close. I still have much to be taught. So for now, I will sit in frustration...knowing the right thing to do...wishing I didn't have to do it. *Insert scream again here!*


  1. Have you ever seen the movie Evan Almighty? There is a really good scene in there where God is talking to Evan's wife she is frustrated with her husband and "God" tells her that if someone asks to be brave that God doesn't *poof* change them into brave but gives them the opportunity to be brave. When you ask for patience, God gives you the opportunity to be patient.

    It would be so wonderful if he would just change us with a poof. But I guess he really likes "teachable moments". I just need to be more careful on what I ask for! :)

    Have a good day!

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